Monday, September 29, 2008

The 3 faces of 'Bum

So many people know something has been up in the CeliaAnne Knits household and himself has finally given me permission to discuss this with MY family and friends.(We will get back to the reason for the 'MY' in the last sentence.) In the Spring of this year, I told my 'bum I was out. Done. After 10 years I was ready to leave. Which completely blindsided him and that fact flabbergasted me.

How could he have missed how unhappy his wife-y and daughter were? Was he just not seeing it? We talked it over and over and over. I decided that, if he was willing go to marriage counseling, I was willing to try to work it out. So we go and we talk to the very nice Dr. Feelgood. The following takes place over 3-4 visits.

Dr. Feelgood asks I what is going on. I tell my side of our issues. I tell her feel like the only grown-up. That I have to be aware of what mini-me is doing and what my 30+ 'son' is up to. I have to play referee between the two of them all the time. The dog even ignores him. I am the only person concerned about paying bills and cleaning the house. That's not true. Mini-me is always offering her piggy bank to help me pay a bill and always trying to help me clean the house. And then I admit to being a difficult person to live with. I am not patient with adults as a rule. 'Bum? he sits there. Says nothing. Acts like he doesn't even realize he is in the room with us.

Dr. Feelgood gets his attention after a couple of tries and asks him what he was thinking. He says he doesn't know. She asks him why he does these things he says he doesn't know. She asks him why he is so angry all the time. He says he thinks It is because he has a chemical imbalance. She sniffs. Dr.Feelgood asks 'Bum to talk about his childhood. So he talks. During this time, I mostly listen. Sometimes I interject something that the in-laws had shared with me. Hearing his childhood from his point of view made me really sad for lil'Bum. Kids don't see things the same way adults do. If adults don't explain things to children, children come-up with their own explanations and they hold them close as solid truths.

After about 2 sessions of this is 'Bum's life, Dr. Feelgood drops the bomb. 'Bum has a physiological disorder, Dissociative Identity. Think Sybil, but not that bad. Mini-me and I had actually come up with names (pre-diagnosis) for the different faces 'bum has. Which I thought was interesting when I looked up info on this disorder. This info understandably scared 'Bum. I am going to take a moment to describe each facet of 'Bum. Those have meet him in real life may recognized them.

There is Angry Guy. He is mad at the world. If you won't just give it to him he will take it. Don't look at him the wrong way or it is on. You don't actually have to do anything to Angry Guy. Angry Guy is the reason my family thinks that 'Bum might become abusive. He has never been physically abusive. Mentally? Guess so. I am not sure. Dr. Feelgood says 'yes'. CeliaAnne says 'neh, could go either way. Nobody is perfect.' Mini-me didn't get a vote, but she had been have nightmares about her daddy when I decided enough was enough.

The next side of 'Bum is Zombie Boy. Zombie Boy cannot walk past the TV without being caught under its spell. Zombie Boy is the one who puts the XBox before his daughter and wife. Zombie Boy is the one who checks out when you are talking to 'Bum.

And then there's Daddy. Daddy is the one who plays with Mini-me. Daddy takes Mini-me sledding. Daddy volunteers at Mini-me's school library. We like Daddy man. He is a great human being.

Back to Dr. Feelgood. She said that there was no point in working on our marriage when we never really knew who we were talking to. In fact when 'Bum said he didn't know why he did something, really didn't. He probably wasn't the one that did it. Dr. Feelgood said something happened to lil'Bum that was so bad, he couldn't deal. His lil'mind broke instead. Dr. Feelgood said that I didn't need to come anymore. 'Bum asked me to continue to come. He didn't want to do this alone.

WOW! All I can say about this next couple of sessions is Angry Guy has a lot of RAGE toward his parents. A LOT. Dr. Feelgood and 'Bum finally started to get to the meat of his problems. Then 'Bum asked me to stop coming. He was afraid for me to know about whatever it was that broke him. I still don't know what that was. Frankly, judging by what he did share with me and what I know from the in-laws, I am almost 100% sure I don't wanna know.

Dr. Feelgood and himself decided to cut all contact with his parents. I personally think this is wrong. However, 'Bum and Dr. Feelgood both believe that him talking about this to his parent would end really badly. (yes, bossy nosey me called Dr. Feelgood and made her explain herself. OK, 'Bum told her to talk to me about this.) 'Bum actually told me to call the police if either of them showed up at the house. He gave me the impression that he expected violence. My question is what the hell happened to him? And then I remind myself that if he ever starts talking to his parents again, I would probably not be able to be nice to them if it was their fault. It is a Pandora's box, once I hear it I won't be able to forget it. As it sits now...No contact with his family, his choice I know but I still think they deserve to at least know where this is coming from. And now he has decided to stop going. He tells me he just needs to make an appointment and has needed to for about a month. Things are slowly shifting back to the way the were in the Spring of this year. So here I sit trying to keep it all together. And convince my broken 'Bum to get help. 'Cuz if he doesn't .. I don't don't like to things threaten. I just do what I say I'm going to do. I told him that I will protect our daughter even from him if I have to.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Scarey Attack Celia

I was just reading a thread on Ravelry today. And In they were discussing one of those name generator scripts for Sarah Palin . I went on typed in my full name and Learned that if Sarah had been my mom, my name would've been Seam Marauder Palin. I think 'funny. Then a few posts later someone post a pirate name quiz. So I took the quiz. Yea! Fun! Silly Names! My pirate name? Bloody Bess Bonney.

eep. Bloody? Marauder?

What are the mystic power of the universe trying to tell me?
Am I that violent?
Should People be afraid?
Very Afraid?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Woe Sheet Cake Recipe


The top example is Snarky cake with Flaming Hypocrisy Icing. To make your own tasty cake, you will need worsted weight & bulky weight yarn in flavors of your choice; You will need foam in a cube shape for stuffing. This one is 3 in. square. All the numbers given in the pattern are for this size but this pattern is easily adaptable to any size.

Needles: US 4

Gauge: 5 sts / 1”

Bottom:make 1
Finished Size X gauge = CO
3” X 5 sts = 15 sts

With main cake color CO 15 sts. Work in st st until piece measures 3”
square. BO

Side:make 1
Finished size X 4 = Length
3” X 4 = 12”

With main cake color CO 15 sts. Work first 6 sts in st sts, work next 3 sts in
moss st, and finish the row in st sts. Continue in this manner until piece
measures 12 in. BO

Icing:Make 1
Use the same number of Sts Cast on as the bottom. Due the nature of the yarn
this will actually make a slightly bigger side. Work until the measures
square. BO

Block all pieces. Add face and that rosey glow from too many tears. With right-sides facing, seam the long side of the Side to bottom along the edge; making a box. Seam the CO edge and the BO edge together. Turn right side out. Stuff with foam. Sew on the Icing. And serve! Would you like it as a PDF? Ok! DOWNLOAD NOW!

The pattern is provided for personal use only. Designer does not give permission to use this pattern for profit.

Knitted Wire Bracelet

UNFORTUNATELY SOMEONE HAS DECIDED TO START SELLING THESE. SO I AM TAKING DOWN THE FREE PATTERN. However, I will sell this pattern for $2.00 USD. You can find the link at the bottom of this post.

Most Wire knitted uses a smaller gauge wire than I do. I don't not feel that the smaller gauges gives enough stitch definition. So I use the heavier gauge wire. I recommend using metal needles and beads that are 1/2 inch or smaller. Any larger and you need up with a cuff more than a bracelet. This pattern is uber-simple. The only catch is... it is hard on you needle and hands. But the end result is worth it. Should you decide that it is not worth it, You can find them for sale on my Esty shop. To those of you who play fair about other people's designs. Thank you for your patience while I decided how to proceed.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fight or Flight?

Last night, himself scared me and I decked him. Now he thinks this is a serious overreaction to being spooked. Rrrriiight. So The 'Bum and I had a discussion about the fight or flight instinct.

Once in high school, which has been cougha bitcough, I went to one of the big haunted houses here in KCMO. I don't really remember which but I believe it was one of these. Anyhoo. I went with my big, strong, current boy-toy and some friends.

I was asked to leave. Actually I was kicked out. The very first time someone jumped out at me and surprised me...I hit them. I felt really bad about, but it was something I really couldn't control. When I realized what I was doing I tried to pull it. So I am pretty sure in most situations I would be a fight person. A least as sure as I can be with actually being in a bad situation.

Now, 'Bum, he has neither fight nor flight. In fact he doesn't really spook. He just stands there. No reaction whatsoever. I tease him that when Godzilla attacks Missouri, he is dead meat. Everybody else will run away, while he just stands there waiting to be squished. Being the kind and loving wifey that I am, I have promised to defend him should this ever occur. Snicker.

Monday, September 1, 2008

The Last Knit

Alright all you yarn-olics out there. Here is your public service announcment. The YouTube film on the top could be you! Beware! Seriously the funniest G-rated thing I have seen in awhile.

Meanwhile back at the Ponderosa...Everthing around here is reasonably okay. Something are much better. 'Bum is more comfortable in his skin. His is better with the decisions he has made recently. In all he is good. Mini-me is doing great at school and is really interested in reading this year! Yippee!

I am continuing to try to curb the rampant cussing coming out of my mouth. I am still sober. Which some of you may know was alittle touch and go last month. I have a new exciting tick from all the stress in the house. Get this. Everytime I leave the house...I get a migraine. Which I then have for the rest of the day. What fun, huh? I am not sure what is the problem. Maybe it is 'cause 'bum poked the crazy and I am just waiting for the retaliation? Expecting WWIII? MMMM...That is a thought. Anyway the current keep-Celia-from-the-Hug-me-tight-coat meds are not working. So it is back to the Doctor's for me. Sigh. So that's the latest and greatest. Feel free to voice opinion on this subject.