Sexism is alive and well and living in my town.

Periodically I forget that people really do judge others based solely on skin color, religion or gender. Then I smack head long into it and I am stunned.


For example, I recently got new tires put on my car at NTB, here in my fair metropolis.  They, as courtesy , checked out my whole car. Isn't that nice of them? They came back to me with $5,000 worth of stuff that was wrong with my poor car. That is 3 zeros there people. 3.   I was stunned. They wanted me to give them permission to do the work right there. I said I would have to talk to my husband about. Using the old "Gee. I need to clear all of these with my husband . I was only allowed to get tires, mister" thing.   All of a sudden my became a death trap. That's right if I drove off in my car with doing this work, I would cause and accident.  People might DIE!!  Are you scared?  Well, I did drive off without getting the oh so important life saving work done and guess what? My car passed inspection to get my tags renewed. 

Death trap? Not so much.

This whole thing remind me of when I was in high school. Oh so many moons ago. The men in my family were big supporters of women being able to take care of themselves. So before I could drive a car. I had to learn basic car maintenance. How to change a tire. Check the fluids. What type of fluids to put back in the car. Familiar enough to the engine to know when something is disconnected. That kind of stuff.

This 'cause no end of problems in my rural hometown.  It was my first experience with being completely disregarded because I was a girl.  See if you are female you can't possible know anything about the engine in your car. Nothing!  And after battling it for a couple of years, I started hiring guys to take my car to the shop when it needed to go.  Fun Celia fact.

Anyway I wanted to let all my friends know that NTB hires sexist mechanics who will try to take advantage if you let them. Thus ends Celia's Story time.  Tomorrow episode "As the Aughra turns"

YAY ME! (okay not really)

Today I got the wondrous joy of breaking an old lady's heart. Yep. I am a horrible thoughtless child who is too selfish to take her poor little grandmother in to keep her from a nursing home.

Never mind the fact that she would go from being her own person to the chaos that is my household. Never mind that her and I would fight like cats and dogs. (Man, can her and I fight.) Never mind that she is confused and weak and needs a nurse to take care of her. The point is she doesn't want to go into a home and I should take care of her.

Snort. Isn't it funny how people throw aside all common sense when faced with something they don't want to happen? She knows(knew?) that me and her living together is an incredibly bad idea. But still she had to try. I told her no and she cried. YAY. I made Aughra cry.

Then she started in on Mama-san. Apparently Mama-san just sits there with a 'stupid grin' on her face all the time. I then jumped in and pointed out that this wasn't a piece of cake for Mama-san either. Aughra is no longer the woman Mama-san knows and it is hard not to cry. So Mama-san fakes it. Aughra cried.

By the time we left the Loony Tunes Ranch today, I had made Aughra cry 4 times. Yep. I am evil. sigh.

Pandemic Shmandemic

"OMG THE PANDEMIC IS COMING!!! RUN! HIDE! DON'T LET ANOTHER SOUL WITHIN 10 FEET of YOU!!"

Please. It's the flu, people. Breathe. Use the internet for more than playing games and updating you myspace page. K? Educate yourselves. The H1N1 flu is just a flu. Granted a new flu but still just a flu. So let us go over how to prevent getting sick. Hygiene People! Wash your hands a lot. Go outside. Breathe the fresh air. Eat healthy. Get Plenty of sleep. If you start feeling sick or your loved ones do take them to the doctor right away for treatment. Easy, huh? Yes, people are dying from H1N1. People with compromised immune systems, the elderly, and small child are at risk of death. Not any more risk than they are under every single flu season. But there is a risk.

I know people are going to be annoyed with me. 'You are minimizing the risk' Not really. I am cutting through all the drama. Over the years our news station have started sensationalizing what they report. Trying to stir us up to get ratings and now they are creating a panic. But that is a whole nother rant.

Now order to show our Swine Flu prepared-ness, I made my Moma-san and myself Swine Flu Masks. These are supper easy and fun to make. I made them out of Dark Horse Fantasy yarn. My grandmother is one of the 'compromised immune system people'. She has trouble breathing in the winter with the cold air. I think if I leave the snout off, this would be perfect for her when she has to go out and about.
There is my mini rant about SWINE FLU ::insert scarey music here::

Only a Go-Go Girl in Love

'But as she walks,
she waits for him the pavement is a shoulder for her tears
But in her heart she knows there is no way
She can hope to change him.'

'Only a go-go girl in love
with someone who didn't care'
~ excerpt from Go-Go Round by Gordan Lightfoot

'Bum. sigh. One year ago I told him I was done. I told him what had to happen in order to keep our life together. As of today, He has done none of it. So I give myself a stern talking to I say "Celia Anne you deserve better than this. There is someone out there who will pull their own weight in the house. Who will actually hear what you are saying. Who won't make you feel bad about yourself. Why are you still here?"

To which I reply,"12 years is a long time to throw away. As a couple we still have heat. I can't keep my hands off. I still want him. But I want the him I married; not the him who walks through the door every night."

SO now what? I am clearly not ready to walk away. Even if my head keeps telling me that is where we are headed. Ugh! Libra, make up your damn mind and stick with it! You are doing more harm than good going back and forth and he isn't going to change 'cause you have already proven you won't leave if he doesn't.

What Was I Thinking?

Dear Lord! I just did a search on a couple of my exes. One I broke up with 'cuz I was becoming a drunk and he would not have approved. And the other I married god help me while I was still being a drunk and when I sobered up I did not approve.

Anyway, I found them. Scared the crap outta me. Do I really wanna look these people up? If I made a connection, then what? Ugh. I have such a problem with relationships in general the whole thought of this boggles the mind. Back to the "What the hell Celia Anne?"

Did I just poke-the crazy? Are they gonna find me now? I'll be hiding under my bed if you need me.

Double Standards

I has some. Meet Aughra. This is how I see her, hence the name. She is the Matriarch on my mother's side. She started a charity in her hometown. She can be the most charming person in the world unless you are a female related to her, then she picks you part constantly. Today I yelled at Aughra. She started in on Mini-me... 'How I should beat her more often'; 'How she has no manners'; 'How she doesn't even know the difference between a tomato and a potato'. ( note Mini-me does know the difference. She was really sick as a baby and has a speech prob. The names sound the same to her, so she uses then interchangeably) As I sat there listening to her tear apart my Mama-san, myself and my daughter, I realized that I have a complete double standard when it comes to her. She says things that I would jump down someone else's throat about. I wonder why? Is it because my Mama-san asked me not to start something with Aughra? Maybe. Little. Is it cause I still get a little scared of what will happen if I yell at her? I think that is a lot of it. She likes to withhold affection if you don't toe the line. Aughra likes to dangle something in front of you. 'Here. See this? This is how much I love you. When I die you will get it. I have hung on to it your whole life just for you.' Then when your opinion is different than hers, she snatches it away. When I was 8-9, she gave me this dress to wear. I hated it. wouldn't wear it. We had a big fight. Didn't talk to each other for probably 10 years.

Aughra is tough woman. She's had a hard life. Very hard. It has made her a hard woman. She assumes anyone she loves is out to screw her. This is what her life experiences have taught her. She is in the process of dying now. It is a painful ugly death. Slowly drowning. So my conundrum is this... I know she loves us all of us. I know she cannot express it the way most people do. Do I ignore her behavior and do clean up with my daughter afterward? Is this the way I want my daughter to remember the woman that most of Aughra's hometown thinks is a saint? 'Cuz bucking the system means fighting with my Mama-san too. Do I want to go there? I know that my Mama-san will side with Aughra she has to. Aughra will hurt her in ways that can't be forgiven, if she sides with me. So then what? I have heard that I am just as hard as Aughra. Am I really that ugly and hard to people? See, Opening this can of worms means hearing that over and over again. This is depressing. I think I'll pull a Scarlet and think about it tomorrow.

The Last Knit

Alright all you yarn-olics out there. Here is your public service announcment. The YouTube film on the top could be you! Beware! Seriously the funniest G-rated thing I have seen in awhile.

Meanwhile back at the Ponderosa...Everthing around here is reasonably okay. Something are much better. 'Bum is more comfortable in his skin. His is better with the decisions he has made recently. In all he is good. Mini-me is doing great at school and is really interested in reading this year! Yippee!

I am continuing to try to curb the rampant cussing coming out of my mouth. I am still sober. Which some of you may know was alittle touch and go last month. I have a new exciting tick from all the stress in the house. Get this. Everytime I leave the house...I get a migraine. Which I then have for the rest of the day. What fun, huh? I am not sure what is the problem. Maybe it is 'cause 'bum poked the crazy and I am just waiting for the retaliation? Expecting WWIII? MMMM...That is a thought. Anyway the current keep-Celia-from-the-Hug-me-tight-coat meds are not working. So it is back to the Doctor's for me. Sigh. So that's the latest and greatest. Feel free to voice opinion on this subject.

What a Day!

Ever have one of those days that can't end soon enough? Today is one of those. My type-A, little amazon decided to stage a coup and The Crazy came for a visit.

Now the amazon princess has spent the whole day trying to take over. Just pushing. 'I know you said this mom but do you still mean it? YES I still mean it quit asking! Why are you yelling at me?' bah...she makes me crazy. The mother's curse comes home to roost. But I remained in power. Mwahhha!

Then The Crazy starts in.

When people are trying to help you out of a situation, maybe you should tell them the truth. My family started a charity. We let people work of their court-order community service hours with us, all we ask is that you tell the truth. We had this person working up there that lied to use about why they were there.

When we made a report the their PO, we mentioned some things that while not good were not big deals. Except that this person didn't tell us that they had a DUI and no driver's license. So it became a big deal.

Now they are harassing my mama-san. 20 some odd calls in less than 3 hrs. I finally answered their call.

(I should take a moment to tell you, dear readers, that I have a pretty bitchy streak. I call it the crazy hillbilly. I try to keep her locked-up. She is just not good to be out around people.)

So Crazy and me 'talked'. (I use talked loosely here, because the conversation went downhill fast.) How upset can you be if you have made some pretty stupid moves and then you get busted for them? I mean honestly. It isn't mine or mama-san's fault you are in this position. You did it all by youself.

SO this day was not one of my most shinning moments. And I just can't wait for it to be over...