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No; Remorse, Jack of course;
Regret is a spiteful old maid;
but her brother,
Remorse, though widower certainly,yet
Has been wed to young Pleasure.
Dear, Jack, hang Regret!
~ excerpt from Lucile by Owen Meredith

Heartbroken

To Sorrow I bade good-morrow, And thought to leave her far away behind; But cheerly, cheerly, She loves me dearly: She is so constant to me, and so kind.
- John Keats

As I type I am heartbroken. My chest is aching and tears are rolling down my face. No, Aughra is not dead. It is worst than that. She is well and truly defeated. I know the suicide should have been a clue by four. But I honestly thought she just couldn't handle the pain anymore. I was wrong. After all the tragedy and sorrow she survived in her time on this planet. Life finally beat her. She is done. I ache for her.

Maybe sometime in the future I will commit what I know of Aughra's life here. Maybe not. There are a lot of episodes that people will judge. Where I stop and say look what they did in order to survive. Others will say how could they have possibly done that?

Tomorrow Mama-san and myself start the process of cleaning out her house to sell. Her 'Sunshine' and his lil' rays of light have not really expressed and interest in helping or real concern for her. So sad. We will be trying to guess what they will want. Trying not to give away the things that mean something to us.

The Aughra Saga continued.

Isn't funny how during high stress events things change by the second? Yesterday when we took Aughra to the hospital, we were told that though she made it through the night of a thousand pills, she may have killed her liver. Therefore would still be dying and considered a successful suicide. 3 very long hours later the test came back that her liver was fine.

They then admitted her under a psychiatric hold and we left her there. Mama-san went in to see her this morning. All was well. She missed the doctor's rounds but the nurses were very reassuring. A few hours later at Mini-me's soccer game we get a call they are transferring her to an actual Psych hospital. The nurse is thinking Two Rivers. Then we get the call that Aughra needs clothes by 5 pm so she can be transferred to Research. Don't let the lovely web page fool you if there was a place that still uses electroshock therapy this is it.

So Mom gets there to find out that they let Aughra release herself over to Research. Aughra? The same lady who took 10 percocet with 30 vicodin chasers 2 nights ago? We are letting her make decisions now? And then we are going to tell the person with her power of attorney she can't talk to her. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

So finally My Grandmother and the nurse at that fine establishment had a set to. And now Mama-san can come and see her. In fact they insist.

What new and wonderous thing will this event spawn tomorrow?

Suicide Watch

“God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it’s awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will.”




We placed Aughra in the hospital on suicide watch today. She will not be returning to her home. If and when they release her from the hospital she will be going into a care facility.

UPDATE: The Hospital wants to release Aughra to a physic hospital today. sigh. Not really what we were hoping for.

Where Did You Come From Baby Dear?

'Where did you come from baby, dear?
Out of the everywhere and into here
Where did you get those eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through

What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
Some of the starry spikes got left in
Where did you get that little tear?
I found it waiting when I got here

What makes your forehead so smooth and so high?
A soft hand stroked it as I went by
What makes your cheek like a warm pink rose?
I saw something better than anyone knows

Whence the three-cornered smile of bliss?
The Angels as one gave me a kiss
Where did you get this pearly ear
God spoke, and it came out to hear

Where did you get those hands and arms?
Love made itself into hooks and bands
Feet whence you come from, darling things?
From the very same box as the cherub's wings

How did they all just come to be you?
God thought about me, and so I grew
But how did you come to us, baby dear?
God thought about you

So I am here' ~ George MacDonald - 1871

Good Bye, Lil'soul.- Auntie Celia

CeliaAnne's Canukistan Odyssey

Our story begins with my lovely friend inviting me in February to Canada for the Olds Fiber Festival in June. I talk to the the mister about going and he agrees to send me north. YAY! Then I realized that this will be after the whole you need a passport card/passport to go to Canada or Mexico thing goes into effect. Thank you, Homeland Security. I feel so much safer.

Still no big whoop. I need a copy of my birth certificate that is embossed to renew my drivers license in October. Seriously, Homeland Security, you shouldn't have. So I go online cause the world is online anymore right? Well, not really. I found the county and state was born in no problem. I even was able to look my birth record online. I was not able to order a copy. So I tried calling the county seat they had a recording tell you to download a form and send them money for the copy but I couldn't leave a message and talk to a person. I have a problem with blindly sending money away with no proof I did. I dug around on the internet some more and found VitalChek Express. This site not only helps you order you records they get to you really fast. They are an expensive service. I feel they are worth it and give them two thumbs way up!

Next thing I did was price tickets. Yowouzer! I talked to my World Travel Papa-san about how to find cheaper tickets. He said Expedia, Priceline, Orbitz, and Travelocity. So I tried each of them and got the cheapest tickets though Priceline. I was really happy at this point. Yay Priceline!(Please continue to read as my opinion of Priceline changes dramatically later.)

Having got my tickets and my birth certificate, I can now work on my passport form. Which is honestly pretty easy to fill out. Then I went to the post office to get my picture taken and order the passport.Voila! I am feeling Pretty froggy about this whole thing.

I started to research what could and could not be taken on a plane cuz sitting for three hours and not knitting? That would make me nuts. Hey guess what? YOU CAN TAKE KNITTING NEEDLES ON A PLANE and your IPOD. I was very pleased to find this out. I printed a copy of the page to take with me in case the security tried to make me toss them.

Oops! 1st Hiccup. My out bound flights were canceled. Eek! I called Priceline they assured me that I was booked on new flights. I would be getting into Calgary later though. I update my Friend. Whew! Crisis averted, Right? Right?

2nd Hiccup. My Friend has the opportunity to buy a house. Yay, her! She will be moving in around the 1st of June. So I will get to stay at her new house. SO Exciting. Seller of said house starts being flaky. Grr. The tenants of said house tear things up on their way out the door. So there will be a little remodeling. Still things are good.

The day of my flight comes. I go to my online itinerary and confirm my flights. I also printed off a copy. This was a very smart move on my part. I tell my 'bum that I would like to be there 2 hours early for check in and random craziness that always occurs. He tells me that we don't need to be there that early. We bicker bit. I let him win. So we get there and hour before my flight and try to check in. Remember up there when I asked you if the crisis had be averted? Yeah. No. I go to the check in counter of the airline I am suppose to be flying out on. They have no record of me and tell me I need to go to the original airline I was booked on before the those flights were canceled. Which is in a different terminal.

The KCI airport is set up in Hubs that are far enough apart you need to drive between them. So we go out and get into our car and go to the other Hub. We get to that airline counter. Wait in line for 10 min for them to tell me that they can't help me I will need to call priceline. So I go to a pay phone to call priceline and can get confirmation that I have tickets on the flight with the 1st airport. I couldn't get a human being to answer. This was still during normal business hours. So we go get in our car and drive back to that 1st airline counter. I get a different lady than the 1st time. I relate this entire thing to her. The very nice Delta Lady gets on the phone with priceline and gets a human. I was shocked. The over the intercom comes the boarding calls for my flight. So she calls the flight and asks them to wait. She trying to deal with priceline. She tells them that we are working under a time constraint. They are still spouting the company lines. And long drawn out story very short I missed that flight. So it comes to pass that they never booked me on replacement flights. After much begging and pleading She gets them to release my tickets to her. The next flight she can get my on is 4 hours later. Sigh. I call my friend to tell her I won't be there until 11:30.

Eventually I get on my flight to St Paul. Nothing exciting happens. Thanks the powers that be! When I get to my connecting flight from St Paul to Calgary, I find that the plane has been delayed. Apparently someone got airsick from turbulence in New York and they had to pull a seat. So I called my friend again. It will be more like 12:30. By the time I get there my eyes are so bloodshot I can't focus but my friend is there waiting.

Meanwhile my poor friend. My hostess with the mostest is having problems of her own. Things did not go as planned with the move. The house was in worst shape than she thought. But her'bum came through. The super hero that he is. He told her that he would finish the moving while she played with me. YAY, Mr. FREAK!

The next morning we went to breakfast and then on to Olds! I loved olds. It was great fun all kinds of fiber people to talk to. I got to meet the Owner of Twist of Fate yarns. She gave us a Ravelry Button to wear around. We ran into a couple of other Ravelers. I went buck wild with the yarn. A great time! Upon seeing Canada in daylight one thing struck me. They still have Lilacs. I love lilacs but they fade so fast in Missouri. Also the Poplars were pollinating. So there were tuffs of fuzzy stuff floating every where.


When we got home that night we exchanged goodies with each other. I had made her a pair of socks(those are them in the picture), a CD and a crochet hook holder thingy. I brought her girls some books. She gave a bazillion ton of goodies I got a Project Bag from Lingering Springs that I have been coveting, a rubberhoar bag, some needles, a thread cutter and some yarn. WHOOT!!

In all my trip to Canada was wonderful. Red Deer is beautiful. My Friend and her family are delightful. I can't wait to go back.

Tantric Diamonds

I like patterns that are different. Something unique that not everybody has made. I just found one of the greatest. There is under a 100 projects on Ravelry for the Tantric Tank.

This free pattern is really more of formula than a pattern but that is what makes it great. You can use any type of yarn and any gauge. There is no shaping. So it is also a great beginner pattern. Just 2 straight panels and 2 thin ties. Some creative semming. Voila! You are done. I made a couple of small adjustments for my ample-ness (47.5" bust). One adjustment is I made the panels a couple of inches longer. The other is I made it an inch wider. Even with adjustment I only needed about 900 yards of aran cotton yarn. Worked one panel in an Irish Moss Diamond stich and the other in a Seed Diamond stitch.