Thursday, February 26, 2009

Something evil this way comes

I can see the evil coming. I can see where this will end. Why can't I fix it? Why can't I stop her from doing these things to herself?

I am seriously distraught right now. I thought it was over and yet tonight I caught her biting herself. I am going to back up a moment. Last year we found out Mini-me was hitting herself whenever things got too much for her. I tried to find her help. I asked her school to recommend a counselor. They counselor treated her like she was acting out in class. THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE IS DOING! She is inflicting pain on herself to make her feel better. This is so wrong. Why can't a find help? I can't find any info on children her age even doing this.

And my support system? They all think that there is something each of them can say that will magically makes this go away. Like I haven't? I am heart sick and so very worried about her. I am here. I am engaged. I see her as her own person not as my chance to rewrite history. Why can't I fix this? Why can't I make it stop?

UPDATE: Morning has dawned and after coffee, it seems I may have been over reacting just a little bit. I know I was just as shocked as the rest of you. Me over react? never. Oh! and that bit up there where I said...
"I see her as her own person not as my chance to rewrite history."
Yeah, I was full of shit. After advise from a couple of sources, I realize that my addictive crap makes me worry about her having her own addiction start up. Not really seeing her for herself there. Instead of tell her that biting herself seems really goofy and painful, I tell her that she really shouldn't do that and it is so wrong. snort Parenting is hard. I am so worried about screwing this kid up. That I may do it by over thinking. Anyhoo. I am going to breathe for a while. I am going to try to lighten the hell up. I am going to watch. Thus ends the drama freak out.

Note to Self: Self- Blogging maybe not such a good idea. People are going to learn about all the crazy you wade through in your head. This may be too much info.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Handmade Heritage-Maternal

It is late afternoon here, slowly creeping in to night and I am musing about my heritage. I grew-up in a very crafty family. Both sides of my family are really into handwork. From Crewl embroidery to crochet/knitting to Quill work. So I decided to share my thoughts on the two sides of my family. I will start with Mama-san's side. Recently, Aughra has decided that congestive heart failure really does mean she may not survive it and has started clean out her house. I received two precious objects from her recently. One is the first ever piece of knitting she ever did.

Aughra made this little cream (white?) sweater for my uncle when he was born. We are talking 1949 or so. It has been a little moth-eaten since the time it was worn by her little boy and is an awkward little thing. 60 some-odd years ago someone (her mother-in-law so the story goes) told Aughra that she couldn't knit and she would never be able to keep a house. The knitter in question is a very stubborn woman. Nobody tells her what she can or can't do. So she taught herself to knit. This sweater has a wrap type closure with crocheted trim around the neck. There is some dissension as to whether or not it is worked in acrylic yarn. Mama-san believes that it is acrylic based on Aughra's social class at the time. I don't know of any moths that eat acrylic.

The 2nd item is also made for my uncle when he was a toddler. This navy sweater has color work on it. She worked the nursery rhyme 'Hey diddle diddle' on it. There is a little grey cat playing the fiddle, a dog with his tongue lolling out in a happy smile and a cow jumping over a red moon. You can see on the cow where it has been stained by baby food. This sweater has no moth holes in it. So I am certain this one is made of acrylic.

I love handmade things. They represent time to me. When we make something for someone specific, we think about them during the time we spend on it. If it's for our soon-to-be child, our hope and dreams are work in to the object as we go. These little sweaters were made by a young mother deeply in love with the man of her dreams and are full of love for her 'Sunshine'.

As I was growing up, my hands always had to be busy. It was a rule in Aughra's house. Idle hands and what not. Mama-san and Aughra have always had something crafty going on. When I was very little, we were always working on something for the Church bazaar. Then Aughra decided to build a miniature town in her basement. Mama-san and her had an interior decorating business once. Always busy there. And as we go through her house all these ventures surface. Such good memories.

Freaky Socks!

I got some wondrous yarn from LittleFreak yarns named Celia. Yep! you heard right. Celia! cackles Let me introduce you to my Twisted Freak socks. I had the best time makes these socks. The pattern is Twisted Hourglass by Robin Griffiths At first the charts were eye-crossing but after about an inch or so I got my groove on. These are my favorite socks right now. I love the yarn so much that I now have 3 more skeins in my stash. LOVE!
Note: I have updated my Mitts pattern. It is published and up for sale. I am selling it at an introductory price for the month of February