Sunday, August 30, 2009


To Sorrow I bade good-morrow, And thought to leave her far away behind; But cheerly, cheerly, She loves me dearly: She is so constant to me, and so kind.
- John Keats

As I type I am heartbroken. My chest is aching and tears are rolling down my face. No, Aughra is not dead. It is worst than that. She is well and truly defeated. I know the suicide should have been a clue by four. But I honestly thought she just couldn't handle the pain anymore. I was wrong. After all the tragedy and sorrow she survived in her time on this planet. Life finally beat her. She is done. I ache for her.

Maybe sometime in the future I will commit what I know of Aughra's life here. Maybe not. There are a lot of episodes that people will judge. Where I stop and say look what they did in order to survive. Others will say how could they have possibly done that?

Tomorrow Mama-san and myself start the process of cleaning out her house to sell. Her 'Sunshine' and his lil' rays of light have not really expressed and interest in helping or real concern for her. So sad. We will be trying to guess what they will want. Trying not to give away the things that mean something to us.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Aughra Saga continued.

Isn't funny how during high stress events things change by the second? Yesterday when we took Aughra to the hospital, we were told that though she made it through the night of a thousand pills, she may have killed her liver. Therefore would still be dying and considered a successful suicide. 3 very long hours later the test came back that her liver was fine.

They then admitted her under a psychiatric hold and we left her there. Mama-san went in to see her this morning. All was well. She missed the doctor's rounds but the nurses were very reassuring. A few hours later at Mini-me's soccer game we get a call they are transferring her to an actual Psych hospital. The nurse is thinking Two Rivers. Then we get the call that Aughra needs clothes by 5 pm so she can be transferred to Research. Don't let the lovely web page fool you if there was a place that still uses electroshock therapy this is it.

So Mom gets there to find out that they let Aughra release herself over to Research. Aughra? The same lady who took 10 percocet with 30 vicodin chasers 2 nights ago? We are letting her make decisions now? And then we are going to tell the person with her power of attorney she can't talk to her. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

So finally My Grandmother and the nurse at that fine establishment had a set to. And now Mama-san can come and see her. In fact they insist.

What new and wonderous thing will this event spawn tomorrow?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Suicide Watch

“God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it’s awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will.”

We placed Aughra in the hospital on suicide watch today. She will not be returning to her home. If and when they release her from the hospital she will be going into a care facility.

UPDATE: The Hospital wants to release Aughra to a physic hospital today. sigh. Not really what we were hoping for.