Thursday, October 30, 2008

Double Standards

I has some. Meet Aughra. This is how I see her, hence the name. She is the Matriarch on my mother's side. She started a charity in her hometown. She can be the most charming person in the world unless you are a female related to her, then she picks you part constantly. Today I yelled at Aughra. She started in on Mini-me... 'How I should beat her more often'; 'How she has no manners'; 'How she doesn't even know the difference between a tomato and a potato'. ( note Mini-me does know the difference. She was really sick as a baby and has a speech prob. The names sound the same to her, so she uses then interchangeably) As I sat there listening to her tear apart my Mama-san, myself and my daughter, I realized that I have a complete double standard when it comes to her. She says things that I would jump down someone else's throat about. I wonder why? Is it because my Mama-san asked me not to start something with Aughra? Maybe. Little. Is it cause I still get a little scared of what will happen if I yell at her? I think that is a lot of it. She likes to withhold affection if you don't toe the line. Aughra likes to dangle something in front of you. 'Here. See this? This is how much I love you. When I die you will get it. I have hung on to it your whole life just for you.' Then when your opinion is different than hers, she snatches it away. When I was 8-9, she gave me this dress to wear. I hated it. wouldn't wear it. We had a big fight. Didn't talk to each other for probably 10 years.

Aughra is tough woman. She's had a hard life. Very hard. It has made her a hard woman. She assumes anyone she loves is out to screw her. This is what her life experiences have taught her. She is in the process of dying now. It is a painful ugly death. Slowly drowning. So my conundrum is this... I know she loves us all of us. I know she cannot express it the way most people do. Do I ignore her behavior and do clean up with my daughter afterward? Is this the way I want my daughter to remember the woman that most of Aughra's hometown thinks is a saint? 'Cuz bucking the system means fighting with my Mama-san too. Do I want to go there? I know that my Mama-san will side with Aughra she has to. Aughra will hurt her in ways that can't be forgiven, if she sides with me. So then what? I have heard that I am just as hard as Aughra. Am I really that ugly and hard to people? See, Opening this can of worms means hearing that over and over again. This is depressing. I think I'll pull a Scarlet and think about it tomorrow.

Monday, October 27, 2008


I promised pictures of my Soccer Star. Here they are. This photos are mainly from the game when she was in the goalie position. She really seems to enjoy soccer. I admire her so for being athletic. I am so not. I can't run across a flat paved surface without falling down and really messing up my arm but this is about her. Last spring she played indoor soccer and was thrilled with goalie. This time her team was too good and the goalie never had much to do. So it was super boring. Even with all that talent and skill, her team didn't have a winning season. The other teams were just too good. but that's fine she had great fun and they gave her a throphy at the end. As I think all females will agree, a lot of bad can be erased with something shiny. So Ends soccer until spring? Maybe? Sigh. Girl Scout Cookies anyone?

Monday, October 20, 2008


First I would like to say... DOG BUTT!

Isn't that a cute dog butt? The rest of the dog is cute too. But the getting on the couch and then leaning down to look out the window cracks me up! To those of you who may not have met Mr. Samson. He says 'Oh, Hi.' snort! I just woke him up in this picture. He is really more Samson after meeting Delilah. He is a rescue pup and has the scars to prove it. When we got him he was bald. Seriously. And they had him on all kinds of meds. As you can see he has been to CeliaAnne's hair club for dogs.

So updates...Let's see. Oh! the really important one my Mama-san is fine. Apparently her pieces parts are shaped really weird, but they all work fine and have no ickiness. YAY! Mini-me had her last soccer game this week. She got a trophy and everything. So I am no longer a soccer mom(a least until next season). I will post homage to my favorite soccer player soon. Also She had decided the she really needs some earrings. So next weekend I am taking my 8 yr old to get holes put in her head. I have finished my Rainyday Socks. I must say I am not a big fan of the bamboo yarn for socks. It is not as comfy as wool ones. However, I love the colors of them. I am trying to get the last of the three Hallowigs done for my Mama-san to take up to the cancer unit. I also can hear the clock ticking on my promised special olympic scarves for Yogini and Christmas time, she is a comin'. sigh. And a much ancipated Xbox game drops this week. Fable II. I loved Fable soo much. I must have started it over 6 or 7 times. Love! I say. But financial outlooks are low. So I will have to be a growed-up and wait. Being a growed-up sucks.

The 'Bum and I are holding even after the nuclear explosion earlier in the week. We are kind of in a armed-standoff until we talk to Dr. Feelgood this week. He is pretending everything is coming up roses. I am trying really hard to stay put. I am really am cut and run kind of person. If things get to hard, I feel the need to run away. I've had exactly 4 boyfriends, in my entire life, that lasted over 2 weeks. I married 2 of them. Staying power? I ain't got some. That's not really right. I didn't use to have some. I have been married 11 years to this one.

My Birthday was last week. 33 years on the planet. My Mama-san celebrated the whole week long. I got something from her everyday last week! I got all kind of wondrous goodies from everybody. On my actual birthday, My Papa-san and the Italian Goddess took me and Mini-me out to dinner. All in all a winner of a B-day.

My Etsy shop is up and running. I have add a link to my blog. I will be adding some of my Mama-san's designs also. So check it out. Oh. I have to take down the free Knitted wire bracelet pattern. Someone has been looking on my Etsy Shop a duplicating my designs. Which is pretty hard to do 'cuz I can't even make the same one twice. This is my 'I CAN SEE YOU!' to the big thief. Now I know this probably won't stop this person, but I did clearly state that it was for personal use only and if the items remain on the Internet, then I will be looking into further options. Is there anything else? Nope. I think I'm done for now. I have always heard you should leave on a high note, so here is the best toy ever or so he tells me.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

PISSED! (warning not for everyone)

I'm Pissed! Not the euro pissed as in drunk. The US pissed as in postal. Today I come home from putting in extra hours to pay bills. Zombie Boy and Mini-me are watching cartoons. Neither say HI. Neither acknowledge that I have even entered the house. So I ask Mini-me if she had done her homework.(assuming she had 'cuz it is over an hour since she had gotten out of school. 'No, Daddy said she could watch cartoons and eat cookies first.' sigh. I told Mini-me to quit playin' her dad, get in her room and do her homework. I told both of them that they knew better, homework before TV. Mini-me starts the 'its too hard', 'I don't understand' whine which for her translates into 'I don't wanna do my homework. You come do it for me.' Well Angry Guy shows-up. He starts telling Mini-me to quit acting stupid. And as she gets more upset he gets louder. Then is like 'Fine! Cry!' The whole time I have been trying to be calm and calm down Angry Guy. SO not working. Then he made her cry. MY HER!

That was it! Gloves are off! I told him he is doing exactly the same shit to Mini-me that was done to him and I AM NOT HAVING IT! I will be GOD DAMMED if he is going to damage my child. So we had an ugly conversation. I was not kind.

Lately, if I try to talk to him about my feelings on what is going on...'Bum is all 'I am only doing this to keep you' implying that if I leave him, he will stop counseling. So ever so gently I point out that he needs to stop worrying about what I am doing and start worrying about getting well for his daughter. HE then tells me I am trying to control him by threatening divorce. First of all I would like to point out I never threaten anyone. I state my position on a situation so that everyone knows where they stand. Today, during the Angry Guy triad, I had an epiphany! The Son of A Bitch was controlling me by saying I was behaving like his mother.

Back to the fight:
After I slapped him down(figuratively speaking), he stomped off to our room to pout. Such the wrong move. 'Cuz I stew. My Papa-san says it is the German in me, but what ever the reason the longer I think about something the madder I get. So when pouty boy reemerged we had us a little pow-wow. I told him that I am sick in tired of him trying to make me think I am the crazy one. I am done with the way he behaves toward my daughter. And he had better start doing what the fucking Counselor says. He cannot hinge his mental health on me. I can barely keep myself sober and a good parent I cannot carry his ass around also. I know my limits.

He counters with Dr. Feelgood wants him to cry and to get angry. And he doesn't want to. My response? TOO FUCKING BAD. Man up, Damn it! If not feeling those feeling is what broke you in the first place, than continuing to ignore them will not help you heal. So now he is tearing up 'cuz I iz a unfeeling bitch. I asked him who are we going to listen to the diagnosed crazy guy who barely finished high school or the Dr. who is working on her master degree in this? mmm... Gosh I don't know. Which should we choose? Bah! Just typing it out is making me mad again. What right has He got to decide not to follow through with treatment? Damn it!!!! I chose good this time. He had a good job. He paid his bills. He thought I was a princess. Everything was pretty good. We fought but everybody fights. Then I became a mommy and he lost his fool mind. WHY ME!?!?!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Felting...How to?

So I mentioned that I was going to felt myself a tea cozy using my 1 Fish, 2 fish charts. Right? I know very little about designing felted projects but I am willing to a researching I will go! I googled 'designing felted projects'. WOW! there is a wealth of people selling their felted projects. But what I was really after was how big you should knit something before you felt it down. That info was a little harder to find. But I found it! Knitted to felted pieces generally shrink 20-25% width wise and between 40-50% lengthwise Depending on the type of wool used. Everybody strongly suggests swatching. Man. I hate swatching. But I guess I will do so. I think I have decided to use worsted weight Wool of the Andes Now I have to ponder the amount of yarn to order for this project...

Monday, October 6, 2008

My 1st for sale pattern!

See this beautiful sweater? Well, I didn't design it. Someone else did. The lovely color working? that is all me. I originally designed these charts for my red-headed friend, currently trying to get her bath remodeled wink, she adores the poem Winkin', Blinkin', & Nod. However, The Amazon beat her to the punch and wanted it really bad for her soon to be little baby Amazon. Since I let her pick what she wanted, I made it for her. The Amazon & I have a difference of opinion on the colors babies should be dressed in. Sigh. The pale bits are all her. The lime green sail and red fishes, that would be my design. As soon as Her Red-headedness gets around to spawning, I will make another in the colors I originally pictured. Until such a time as we are all graced with the presence of mini-redheads, I will sell these charts. In fact for a measly $1.00 USD you to can own them! They are available in my Ravelry store. If you would like these charts and have no wish to be apart of Ravelry, then you nuts! Kidding. Just leave me a note. Here is the lovely poem of inspiration...

Winkin, Blinkin, and Nod

Winken, Blinken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe --
Sailed off on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew.

"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring fish
That live in the beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we!"
Said Winken, Blinken, and Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long
Ruffled the waves of dew.

The little stars were the herring fish
That lived in the beautiful sea --
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish --
Never afeard are we";
So cried the stars to the fisherman three:
Winken, Blinken, and Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam --
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe
Bringing the fisherman home;

'Twas all so pretty a sail it seemed
As if it could not be,
And some folks thought 'twas a dream they'd dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea --
But I shall name you the fishermen three:
Winken, Blinken, and Nod.

Winken and Blinken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoes that sailed the skies
Is the wee one's trundle-bed.

So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fisherman three:
Winken, Blinken, and Nod.

poem by Eugene Field

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Something Fishy

I am the new proud proprietor of an Ravelry Store. YAY! I have spent the past few days pouring through my three-ring binder of many ideas and projects. I have posted some for FREE. Mostly just color work charts. Digging amongst all of my favorites I found one of my 1st charts. Strangely enough it is still a really good chart, to my thinking. You would think you could really improve on one of you 1st efforts, won't you? Simple yet fun. The picture of the finished product has long since disappeared or I would post it to share.

So, I ponder. I would really like to share these charts with others. How? I could make up samples of them? I hate working on something and having nothing usable at the end. OOO! I could make a purse! A 1 Fish, 2 fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish Purse. Hmm... I can see problems with that. I could felt it. But my felting skills are still at the neophyte level. I know I will make a tea cozy! I need one and it is a fairly small project to felt . We have a winner! Look forward to seeing a marvy felted fishy teapot! The charts are published! I just added a Download Link.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Weezy Doll Revisited.

I promised a couple of knitters to work up the pattern for Weezy. So I revised my notes on this delightful labor of Love for Mini-me. Guess what? I will totally have to rework her. I cannot make heads or tails of my notes. Sigh. Well, that's okay I have some new ideas regarding construction. Can you hear my maniacal laughter? It is there I promise. I must but off to finish my 2nd sock of the Rain Day socks I am working on. I am in danger of catching 2nd sock syndrome.  Every day that passes makes it just that much harder to pick the needles up.

Mama-san is having some health 'troubles' these days. They concern me. Not in the freak-out 'Oh Noes! my mommy sick! How will I survive?!?!?!' way. But in the 'What is the next step?' way. I am a planner. I like to know what is going on pretty far out so that I can plan. I get a little twitchy when things are up in the air. Down right mean sometimes. My Mama-san is a go with the flow type of person. very in the now.

She doesn't want to discuss the 'troubles'.  She will wait until she is forced to confront them. I, however, want to know what is going on right now!!!!!! I need time to look it up on the internet, to plan just exactly what I need to do to help her get through all of it. Pushing the issue is not helping though. So I sit and twitch and try not to push her around about it. So there it is in a nutshell. Blah!

Miser's Purse

Well, Party people, I have completed the miser's purse. I even completed it before the Ravelympics began. I haven't had a chance to post it before. I decided to share my charts for the Miser's Purse aka Partial Worm Poo Purse. However, I am only going to post them on Ravelry. If you are not on Ravelry, GET THERE! Just kidding. Contact me and I'll send the PDF of the color working. I am not including the pattern 'cuz there is a bazillion of them and I based mine off of other person's pattern. Really just picture's the gauge are completely different. But Whatev' That's all for now! DOWNLOAD NOW!