Tuesday, October 14, 2008
PISSED! (warning not for everyone)
I'm Pissed! Not the euro pissed as in drunk. The US pissed as in postal. Today I come home from putting in extra hours to pay bills. Zombie Boy and Mini-me are watching cartoons. Neither say HI. Neither acknowledge that I have even entered the house. So I ask Mini-me if she had done her homework.(assuming she had 'cuz it is over an hour since she had gotten out of school. 'No, Daddy said she could watch cartoons and eat cookies first.' sigh. I told Mini-me to quit playin' her dad, get in her room and do her homework. I told both of them that they knew better, homework before TV. Mini-me starts the 'its too hard', 'I don't understand' whine which for her translates into 'I don't wanna do my homework. You come do it for me.' Well Angry Guy shows-up. He starts telling Mini-me to quit acting stupid. And as she gets more upset he gets louder. Then is like 'Fine! Cry!' The whole time I have been trying to be calm and calm down Angry Guy. SO not working. Then he made her cry. MY HER!
That was it! Gloves are off! I told him he is doing exactly the same shit to Mini-me that was done to him and I AM NOT HAVING IT! I will be GOD DAMMED if he is going to damage my child. So we had an ugly conversation. I was not kind.
Lately, if I try to talk to him about my feelings on what is going on...'Bum is all 'I am only doing this to keep you' implying that if I leave him, he will stop counseling. So ever so gently I point out that he needs to stop worrying about what I am doing and start worrying about getting well for his daughter. HE then tells me I am trying to control him by threatening divorce. First of all I would like to point out I never threaten anyone. I state my position on a situation so that everyone knows where they stand. Today, during the Angry Guy triad, I had an epiphany! The Son of A Bitch was controlling me by saying I was behaving like his mother.
Back to the fight:
After I slapped him down(figuratively speaking), he stomped off to our room to pout. Such the wrong move. 'Cuz I stew. My Papa-san says it is the German in me, but what ever the reason the longer I think about something the madder I get. So when pouty boy reemerged we had us a little pow-wow. I told him that I am sick in tired of him trying to make me think I am the crazy one. I am done with the way he behaves toward my daughter. And he had better start doing what the fucking Counselor says. He cannot hinge his mental health on me. I can barely keep myself sober and a good parent I cannot carry his ass around also. I know my limits.
He counters with Dr. Feelgood wants him to cry and to get angry. And he doesn't want to. My response? TOO FUCKING BAD. Man up, Damn it! If not feeling those feeling is what broke you in the first place, than continuing to ignore them will not help you heal. So now he is tearing up 'cuz I iz a unfeeling bitch. I asked him who are we going to listen to the diagnosed crazy guy who barely finished high school or the Dr. who is working on her master degree in this? mmm... Gosh I don't know. Which should we choose? Bah! Just typing it out is making me mad again. What right has He got to decide not to follow through with treatment? Damn it!!!! I chose good this time. He had a good job. He paid his bills. He thought I was a princess. Everything was pretty good. We fought but everybody fights. Then I became a mommy and he lost his fool mind. WHY ME!?!?!